M is for Maple Cranberry Popcorn Balls (Jessica)

They look good, right?

Yo yo yo,

Ok, so this week I was still vacationing on the Cape with my family and we decided to make another gluten free recipe while we were together. What a great idea! We settled ahead of time on Mocha Meringues, yum. Sounds delicious, has good alliteration, and I've never made meringues before.

Fast forward to the afternoon we're going to hunker down and make them. It's raining. And by raining, I mean pouring. Oh there's lighting and thunder...and wind...and a whole lotta rain. If you've ever read any meringue recipe you'll know: don't make meringues when it's raining! Something about the extra moisture in the air prevents the meringues from setting properly and the consistency gets all messed up. Booooo! The choices were to plunge ahead recklessly or pick another recipe. Now, I probably would have just gone ahead with it, hoping it would miraculously work, but my wiser family started looking for other recipes and that's how we ended up with this one for Maple Cranberry Popcorn Balls...

Maple Cranberry Popcorn Balls
from food.com

Ingredients: 
8 cups plain popped popcorn, remove unpopped kernels (follow package directions to pop on stove)
1 cup dried sweetened cranberries 
1/2 cup brown sugar 
1/2 cup maple syrup
3 tablespoons butter

Directions: 
1. Place popcorn and cranberries in a large mixing bowl and set aside. 

2. Combine brown sugar, maple syrup, and butter in a small saucepan. Cook over medium heat until mixture comes to a boil, stirring often.
3. Cook for an additional 4 minutes or until mixture thickens slightly, stirring frequently.

4. Pour over popcorn mixture, stirring until coated.

5. Shape popcorn mixture into 2-inch balls, pressing firmly to hold shape. This is easiest to do if you dip hands in cold water first. 
6. Place balls on wax paper and let them cool completely. 


Review:
Have you ever made a recipe, tasted the final product and wondered what the heck the writers were drinking when they wrote this? THAT WAS THIS RECIPE. Argh, the finished product tasted terrible. I've eaten a lot of questionable stuff in my day and this was SO BAD. We all tasted it and agreed there were a few problems: (1) the popcorn got all mushy (oh, maybe that's because we poured boiling liquid over it!) (2) the syrup/sugar/butter mixture had a crystal-like consistency that didn't harden and remained totally weird to eat. And (3) the whole thing just tasted like mushy sugar (oh, maybe because it was!)

PLEASE, don't try this recipe. 

Here's what happened to our popcorn balls in the end:

A shame! But sometimes, you end up with a bad recipe, what can I say, stuff happens. Especially in the kitchen. 



On a more positive note, my birthday was on Monday and Jennifer made me awesome Duke-blue cupcakes for my alma mater! Yay!

Makin' a mess, 

-Jessica